day 20: swimming in the stars…with lemon bars

when deciding what to title this post, i was peeping my itunes and saw the first track of the coultrain album – it’s called “swimming in the stars.”  i happen to like other tracks on the album more, but overall i love the whole ting :)  yay.

back to bidniz.

mission:

• hand out lemon squares out to random fellow bonfire-ers at ocean beach

shak’s favorite snack (foreshadowwwiinnngg…those who need to know, know) happens to be lemon bars.  sweet snack, at least.  so i found recently.  i was planning on baking some for one of my acts, but i hadn’t decided what my application was going to be yet.  after i hearing that they were shak’s fave, i decide half would be donated to the shak sweet tummy fund and the other half for something else.

in having my interaction with ryan at the treasure island festival, i realized the value in interacting with people firsthand during my little performances.  i liked the ease and avoidance of awkwardness with anonymity, though.  anonymity allows one to build humility – performing kindness without expecting anything, including recognition, in return.  it’s a beautiful way to contribute a positive energy into the universe, if you believe in that sort of thing.  even so, someone or another will benefit from your act, and at the least, they will come away from it happy and/or affected.

still, challenging myself to interact with people serves important purposes as well. i am forced to get out of whatever funk/mood/baggage/self-involvement i am carrying in that moment and focus on pleasing someone else, bringing my responsibility of spreading positivity to a new level.  many people that anonymously found minicards, probably didn’t visit this site.  but at the least, if i interact with someone in person, i am able to share with them my intentions and ask them to “pay it forward.”  spreading that message is definitely an important part of this project, i feel.  my issue has always been, i guess, the extra effort involved in having to interact with someone and also wanting to avoid taking “credit” for my actions.  i really don’t want my subjects to think that what i’m doing is so they can give me a pat on the back and call me a good person.  my intention, i like to think, is to spread good vibes and encourage others to do the same.  smiles for free, son!  so, yeah.

i was toying with anonymously leaving lemon bars for a particular mean neighbor i don’t like – as an exercise in reverse-response therapy to maybe coax him and myself out of bad vibe-age.  wanna smack dude upside the head?  bake him a cake.  that was the idea.  maybe i’ll do something for him later.  but this time, per the reasoning in the paragraphs above, i decided to interact with fellow bonfire hippies at ocean beach.

miss erica campbell served as my minicard “elf” (i don’t think she likes that term :D) as i toted around the tray of lemon bars.

“what you think of that crew over there?” i asked e.

e: nah, they look too fratty.

s: word.

s: how about over there?  look at us tending towards the brownfolk.

e: hell yeah [or something to that effect]

we approach a group of east asian women.  “hey ya’ll, we’re just going around handing out lemon bars to folks – want some?” i offer.  they merrily accept as erica peers over to their fire – “is that an xbox?”

“yep,” says one of the girls

“we’re burning ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend stuff,” says another

“you’re really burning an xbox?!” i exclaim

“yep.”

“we should do that, e.”

e: YEAH.

next, we meander over to a couple on the side.  “hey, we’re giving away lemon bars!  take one!”

“ummmm,” goes dude.  “soooo, do they have stuff in em,” he asks, hopeful.

“nah, just straight.  homemade goodness.  have you ever had a lemon bar?” i ask

“nah…what is it?” dude is skeptical.

“just a sweet.  a dessert,” we explain

“here, just try it.  split one between the two of you and if you like you can take another,” i say

“alright, we’ll split one,” says the guy

and just as erica finishes handing them cards and we’re about to leave, the lady folds and says she’ll take a lemon bar as well :)  THAT’S RIGHT, SON!  hahahhaa.

we see a fire burning in a cool little contraption off in the distance and decide to head over.  we find ourselves amongst four older white men, kiiiiickin it.  they see us coming and i sense their eyebrows raising as we approach.

“hello!” we say in hopes to somehow break the obvious randomness of our visit.

“hey!” they all say [wondering..."now what?"]

“….sooo.  do you want some lemon bars?  we’re just giving them out.  homemade!” i’m trying to entice, here.

[insert somewhere erica telling them that i'm doing the project for my mom, as she's been making sure to throw in to each group we visit :D  'she's doing it for her mom, isn't that dear?!' hehehehe]

“ermm, so they…ummm?” starts one of the men

“oh, no, they don’t have anything in em.  no drugs.  i’m a boring 25 year old, sorry,” i tell them

“oh, you just know, back when we were your age…”

at this point i realize they wouldn’t have minded one way or another if we had laced the bars.

the men go on to share with us how the cool fire pit contraptions were donated by the founders of burningman as a push for the city to keep bonfires at ocean beach alive.  there was a point in the last year or two where they had been  banned.  “it’s a tradition,” they said.  “we’ve being doing it for twenty-something odd years.”  dope.

our new historian buddies thanked us for the bars and big upped the project as we wandered back off into the darkness.  said they’d “check out the website” :D

i think a lot of people think the acts of kindness are a ploy to plug the website or some other endeavor.  it’s interesting how much people are inclined to believe that what i’m doing must be for some explicit self-serving reason.

erica sees a tiiiiny little fire burning off in the distance.  “do you want to go there?” she asks.  “ehhhh.  alright.  let’s be ambitious!” i say.

we’re trekkin over, trekkin trekkin.  “dude, watch us sneak up on folks that are trynna be extra private,” i say.  “oh, crap…what if they’re having sex, seher?  we should turn back.” says e.  “hahahaha, that’d be hella funny.  i can write about it…come on!”  i know, i’m evil.

turns out all we find is a lone fire burning with no one in sight.  kind of eerie.  the fire was waaay out in the cuts, right by the water.  i guess we were there to put out the fire.  erica’s like smokey, preventin beach fires and ish!  aaaaaoooowww.

we decide to hit one more group.  we go for another couple not too far off from where our group is sitting.  we offer them the lemon bars but they refuse and ask what we’re doing it for.  e hands them minicards.  “aha, i knew there was a catch,” says the girl.  “nah, all the website is is a catalog of what i’ve been doing.  just spreading some goodness and hoping others will do the same.  i’m not making money or anything off the site, doing it just cause.”  i tell her.  they appear somewhat pleasantly surprised.  the girl is a photographer and testing out her new camera.  she takes a few snaps of me with a minicard.  to my memory, at the end i think they even take some lemon bars.  we bounce and tell them to have a good night.

on our way back we see another couple and decide we might as well offer them some sweets as well.  it ends up being a foreign couple.  when we offer them the lemon bars, they instinctively and immediately refuse, sending us on our way.

i comment to erica how this is the exact reason i wanted to do the project.  we are socialized to instinctively shoo off any approach by a stranger as a solicitation.  we are conditioned into expecting negative behavior from any fool as normal, but kind behavior is met with skepticism.  the world needs kindness to become normalized.  on the real.

we make it back to camp and i tease the group about how our adventures have left me with some good writing material.  phil and shak try to pry, but i slyly smile and tell them they must wait.  erica lies down and stares up at the sky, “you can see all the stars.”

“you can,” says phil.