day 11: stopping and listening

mission:

• really listen to someone and just be an ear

i talk a lot (surprise).  yesterday, again like many days, i had one idea at the beginning of the day of what i was going to do, but ended up doing something else.  what i wanted to do was going to take more time than i had, but i kept hoping i’d find some sort of nonexistent hour in my day to do it.  i let the whole day pass by and decided i’d do two acts today (one of them being the specific one i intended for yesterday).  but by the time i went to sleep, i realized i’d ended up doing something in between.  not yesterday yesterday, but still before i went to sleep :)  yes, i cheated…my act was done after midnight this time, but technically i started getting together brianna’s gift at 9.30pm the other night and finished around 12.30am the next day…so really, semantics, right?!  hahahaha.  don’t judge me.

i did something i’m not sure i even realized i did.  i listened.  i have a handful of bad habits that i try to continue to work on, sometimes putting more of an active effort than other times.  one thing is really intently stopping and listening and biting my tounge back for a second before i inject myself or opinion into a conversation.  it can often come across very self-centered and disregarding of what the other person has to say when you keep speaking or listen distractedly.  i obviously don’t intentionally mean that, but at the end of the day, sometimes my lack of listening are those things whether i like it or not.

shakirah and i got home around midnight, both beat from long days and planning and lugging for a bonfire tea party i had last night for my birthday.  on the ride to and from the beach, we both pored over the tensions we had been having, but from what i remember, it was mostly me talking and shakirah patiently listening and offering feedback.  by the time we stepped inside my apartment, i think we finally beat my issues enough to death that it really didn’t make too much more sense to talk about me.  so shakirah started sharing experiences of hers, giving me lengthy backgrounds to contextualize her situation.  we both were putting away food, cleaning up, and getting ready for bed but i tried to keep my attention as focused on her as i could.  sometimes not as present as i could have been because i was working on other things and moving about.

we were standing in the kitchen most of the time so i told shakirah we could go to my bedroom and finish up the conversation.  at one point i was looking at some birthday cards i had gotten, reading them without full attention and listening to shakirah without complete focus as well.  i forced myself to put down the cards and really focus on what shakirah was saying and direct my attention only towards her.

at one point shak was standing next to the bed, so i told her to sit.  shak sat down and we talked some more.  once shakirah thought she had gotten out everything she had to say, she headed for the door, but then stopped to say some “last words,” which really turned into a new leg of the conversation.  she noted that she really had had no one to talk to about what was on her mind yet because of coordinating time-zones, so she simply needed to get some things off her chest to clear her mind.  so shak continued speaking and i continued listening, realizing that i still probably talk double of what shakirah had thus far – and she listened to all that.  and so do all of my friends :D  shakirah thought she was done a few times, but again would realize that she really wasn’t.  i for one, probably never feel like i’m done :D  so i appreciated the opportunity to be patient.  once shakirah felt content with what she had shared and felt we had come up with a reasonable resolution on how to frame what was going on in her head, she said she was ready to go to bed.

she told me thanks for listening.  and i realized, ‘whoa, i really listened.  back pat.’  it felt nice to be there for a friend like that.  especially in a way that i can often suck.

listening to someone definitely takes a good amount of work, intent, love, and patience.  it really is one of the greatest things you can do to show you care for someone, especially when that person is specifically looking to being heard.

so yeah, i’d say constantly working at fixing bad habits is definitely a service to all…

day 10: prized possessions

mission:

• give away a prized possession

yesterday was my good good friend brianna’s 26th birthday.  i’m not the best at coming up with fun gifts, although i wish i were.  maybe i could be…but it’d require some special sort of brainpower from me that i’m not sure is always functioning :D  i don’t like giving gift certificates and cliche gift items, though, so i always get stuck.  beyond that – i’m sort of broke.  but i wanted to be novel.

a broke, novel gift.  ok.  so i ended up not being that novel, but still :)

one thing i decided early on was that i want to give brianna one of my favorite pairs of earrings.  giving away something i love was something i really wanted to challenge myself to do.  in fall of 2007 i went to visit a friend in miami, and brought back these awesome hand woven and painted dried palm tree leaf earrings made by a woman from colombia.  i bought like 6 pairs.  i was so proud of my original purchase that basically no one else would have (especially on the west coast – the lady was vacationing with her boyfriend in MIA and was headed back for colombia the next day).

the earrings are also huge so they attract a lot of attention and comments.  since getting them, i’ve had a more than a few friends threaten to sucker punch me so they could steal my earrings :D  some offered to purchase them, but i still couldn’t part with them.  very protective of my babies.  i’m a bit of a compulsive earring fiend and collector.  for brianna’s birthday, i finally decided to part with a pair and gift a beautiful yellow and blue one to her.  yellow also looks awesome on bri :)

bri’s also been asking me, pretty much since i met her, for me to burn her some music (she likes my musical taste and wants to be put on, [brushes off shoulders]).  it’s something i’ve even tried to do for myself but am too lazy to do.  ask friends, they can attest to the same 2 cd’s in rotation in my car for a year+.  it’s kinda sad.  there was a miracle last night.  i made myself comfy in my bed-desk (i’ve been kinda camping out there while my girl shak stays with me in the living room) and started burning cd’s, whilst eating chicken wings and cupcakes, of course.  don’t worry, lappy stayed clean.

wrote a nice little note on my new papyrus stationary (more like a lengthy admission of how i lightweight stalked bri =P), tucked the earrings in the envelope, and put on a shiny gold seal.

and topped it all off with a vase of pretty yellow and orange lillies along with purple lilacs.  i was there after floral hours so whole foods produce homie hooked it up with some extra foliage goodies and little decorative stones for the vase.  yeeeeee.

it’s nice to detach yourself from the material and share a prized possession with those you love.  love will only grow.  also, giving any gift when you have less means can be very profound.  my uncle once said to me something to the effect: ‘giving gifts when you have the means is nice.  but giving when it hurts a little exemplifies the true beauty of a gift in the spirit of love.’

word life.

day 9: celebrating birth, life

mission:

• send my parents a thank you card in celebration of my 25th birthday

yesterday, september 10th was my 25th birthday.  i am thankful to have spent it with a few of my beautiful friends who insist that i should do something in celebration of myself now and then.  got a lot of love and loved it :)  thank you deeply.

since my family hasn’t been one to celebrate much growing up, i’ve gone by birthdays often forgetting it was my birthday that day, remembering absently at some point in the day that it was.  i also have tended to avoid planning anything for my birthday because i end up overwhelming myself and have this sinking feeling that i’ll be disappointed and no one will remember anyway.  so i try to slip below the radar for the most part.

this year being my 25th i knew i had to do something or another.  knowing i was prone to master planning, i was inclined again, to do nothing initially.  since my birthday fell in ramadan this year, timing things (we all know food is essential) becomes more challenging as well.  even if i didn’t do anything for my birthday to “celebrate,” i knew there was something i needed to do as a symbolic recognition of my 25 years…or i’d be a total square party pooper dejected mess :D

one of my other qualms with birthdays is how much people really get to feeling themselves.  i’m all about having a day for you and having some extra attention to yourself in celebration of your birth and existence.  but i’ve known people to countdown their birthday for 3 months straight, telling me everyday how many days are left.  i simply have seen some pretty obnoxious displays of entitlement on birthdays which i personally have found quite unattractive.  i just never wanted to be that person.

somewhere in re-running through that thought stream this year, i decided that on such a momentous birthday what i should really do, if anything, is thank my parents.  i didn’t make it to these 25 years by myself and i’d feel awkward waving around a baton like iiii really did something that great.  i wouldn’t have made it 25 years, or heck, onto this earth if it weren’t for my parents.  and most anything attributed to me that i can wave a baton about, comes from my parents…they make up so much of me.

i’ve gone through up’s and down’s with my parents constantly in my life.  certain life decisions i’ve made along with my stubborn nature have caused considerable strain in our relationship at times.  going away for college in philadelphia lead them to tell me things like they felt they didn’t know me much anymore.  getting my own apartment in san francisco, which was against my parents’ idea of cultural norms and took a bit of a struggle, is something they still battle with.  i know it.  they still feel distant from me and don’t understand why i do half of what i do.  but they opened their hearts for me against their natural instincts and let me do what would make me happy.  we aren’t perfect, but we try.  and we got a whole lot of love.

still, in having gone through so many up’s and down’s and distance, i know my parents sometimes have pangs where they wonder how much i care.  and you can never really tell your parents enough that you love them.  i just couldn’t think of a more perfect thing to do than thank my parents and outline the ways i appreciate them for my 25th birthday.  if i did nothing else, i would be quite content in just that.  parents deserve to know infinite times over that they are loved.  and i think despite how many times we tell them we love them, we don’t as often sit down and tell them why and how we love them.

actually, i think that’s something we lack doing in general.  how often have we told a friend or acquaintance or colleague or role model why we think they are so wonderful?  i’d love to sit down and just write everyone who has touched me in any way a personal note about how dope they are and thank them for their presence in the world.  and actually, just now, i’ve basically partially leaked my other project idea that i discussed in the about section.  but i’m still formulating the format for how i’d like that project manifested.  there you have it ;)

so, i went to papyrus (thanks to my old friend jany who has given me beautiful cards from there and put me on) and bought some lovely stationary to write on.  i took my lunch break yesterday to write a letter to mama and dada, telling them thank you for giving me birth and raising me, outlining all the millions of awesome qualities they’ve instilled in me, and sharing some of the other more general ways in which i appreciate them.  ran down to the mailbox downstairs and popped in the letter right before the 3pm mailman run (i think).  so i imagine they should be getting it sometime today or tomorrow :)

we are all going as a family (mama, papa, bro) to get some senegalese food in berkeley tonight to celebrate.  they think they are treating me but i think i’m gonna pull a fast one on em ;) heh heh heh…

i’ve also been blessed to be able to plan a few other things for my birthday and am looking forward to spending time with my good people.

swwwwweeeeet.  since this little deed may have some interesting follow-up, i’ll post when to look back here for any updates.

lovelovelove,
seherieeee :)

day 8: tree hugging and the like

mission:

• take the 4 bags and 2 boxes worth of recyclables down to the bin in my building

after weeks of staring at bags and bags of recycling in my apartment’s kitchen, yesterday i finally decided to take a couple trips to the recycling bin downstairs.  a full single flight of steps away.

i know, i know.  this post totally sounds like a cop and like something we alllll already do.  bags i already had sitting there, was going to take down anyway, and not really too random of an act.  but neither are a few of the other acts i’ve wrote about.  even a non-random act simply inspired and performed randomly, i’d qualify as a random act of kindness – i’m also not too good with boxes :D

so, recycling.  do we really alllll do it?  i won’t lie – i didn’t.  not unless it was painfully obviously accessible aka staring me in my face: if i had a bottle in my hand with a choice of garbage vs. recycling, where i’d basically be an idiot/evil person if i threw it in the trash.  people would come over at times and ask me where to throw their recyclables inside my apt, i’d somewhat embarassedly direct them to my trash.  but typically embarrassment doesn’t do it for me – acts spurred by embarrassment i usually see as temporary and superficial.

every now and then i have dinner parties/potlucks at my spot (in case you don’t already know – i luhhh-hooovveee food).  at the end of the night i’ll find people having found their own inventive ways to recycle in my apartment…cans and plastic items stacked all over my kitchen counter.  again, another instance where i’d be painfully ignorant if i took such an intentionally placed, fairly large set of recyclables and threw them in the trash.  so those times i’d lump em all into a bag and take them downstairs to the recycling bin.

i think this month i finally reached a critical mass of dinner parties where i realized that the recyclable product we individually use everyday really adds up to A LOT.  and to just waste that, is sort of ludicruous.  so, of late i’ve upgraded to recycling in situations where it is relatively easy – aka where all i have to do is set aside a separate recyling bag and take it downstairs to the bin (the trash chute is in the hallway, so recycling requires an extra little step.  yes – i can be that lazy.  be quiet).  as i am lazy, over the last 2-3 weeks i built up 4 paper bags and 2 small boxes full of recycling – that’s a lot of stuff to look at, simply reinforcing why i should be recycling.

i’ve also tried to challenge myself to attempt to go out of my way to recycle.  so from my road trip to LA, i’ve accumulated various glass an plastic bottles in my car in hopes to find them a home.  looking around for a place to recycle while on the road also opened my eyes to how many places still lack recycling facilities – kind of crazy.  alas, i’ll just need to get it together and dump the homies at my home recycling.

i really think it’s important to recognize recycling as an act of kindness.  a lot of times when we think of doing something nice, we thinking about doing something very tangibly directed at an individual or group of persons.  i’ve gotten a little abstract here in talking about doing things that put out a certain positive energy into the universe, like prayer or a good deed done but not necessarily well received.  recycling is similar but less abstract – a tangible action for the greater good that isn’t always seen performed and for which we cannot readily see the results.

in order to sustain or maybe even improve the world we live in today, to even be able to do any of these other acts of kindness, to breathe – we really need to collectively band to care for our environment.  i can’t say i’m a proactive environmentalist at all, but i am pro environment – who wouldn’t be?  before al gore and the green trend, which i think is great, by the way (even though you get whack corporations trying to manipulate folks by riding the wave with pseudo green stuff), i remember how i viewed environmentalism as somewhat of a cult interest.  i remember being in 2nd or 3rd grade when our apartment complex erected shiny new recycling bins…it just seemed like a sub-culture activity.  it’s really not, though.  i challenge myself and the rest of us to do our part.  we don’t all need to become activisits but we can change our individual habits, which really can, do, and will make a tremendous impact.

i know everything i’ve said are things that all of us already know.  and i know a lot of my peers reading this are in fact proactively working to better our environment and to inform our communities ‘as we speak.’  i’m really impressed with the strides our community is making in this regard – really really proud.  so, please don’t take anything i’ve said as a lecture at all; if anything, it’s really just me talking outloud to myself and sharing in case anyone else might benefit as well.

day 7: quesadilla suiza

mission:

• hook up one of the many homeless folks in the mission with some dinner

during the work day yesterday i made a short list of things i thought i may want to do that day.  one of them was to give a homeless person dinner, which i was inclined to do until i realized it was freakin cold as crap outside.  all i really wanted to do was take my whiny-feeling butt home as warmly as possible and count down the minutes til glorious FOOD could enter my mouth.

in the case i was to get some grub, the plan required me to get off at 24th mission and take the 20 minute walk home up mission so i could find a homeless person to share with.  otherwise, i was going to get on the bus home from BART to avoid the cold.  buried in annoyed thoughts about the past day on my cold arse walk to embarcadero BART, i try to remind myself to stop cursing and being negative – i’m fasting.  still, i decided i was not trying to mess with the cold and was just going to go home on the bus.  i’d do my plan B act of kindness…it was still good…foodage for the homeless could wait a day or two or three – once it wasn’t cold anymore and i could comfortably do it.

somewhere towards the end of my walk through the financial district, i realize that i’m full of [insert bad word here].  especially in ramadan, one of our goals is to use the fast as a way to humble ourselves and on some level try to empathize with those that are starving and have less than we do.

“homeless people are cold on the streets everyday.  they are starving everyday.  i’m cold and starving in this moment and i’m being a brat.  how about making my privileged self uncomfortable for a half a second to help someone that’s often uncomfortable,” i think to myself.

i decided there wouldn’t be a better moment to humble myself: put my hungry cranky self through some discomfort in the cold to give to someone who is often hungry and cold.  mind you, i haaaaattte cold…i’m usually in a sweatshirt at home, even in mild weather.  and i crank the heater up often to the point where visitors exclaim how they think they’ve just entered a sauna.  this was the true spirit of ramadan.

so.  i get off at 24th mission bart and gritting my teeth from the cold, cross the street to el farolito.  i order a quesadilla suiza with grilled chicken (i would have preferred to cook for someone but unfortunately i just didn’t have time like that).  i go to the salsa bar and fill three tiny containers each with a different type of salsa.  i wait patiently for my quesadilla, and then somewhat impatiently as 5 minutes became 15-20 minutes…but, i also told myself it was a good opportunity to practice patience :D

i finally make my way up mission street.  i figured i’d either see this one latino dude that always yells randoms out at people, often in spanish – he is usually on mission past cesar chavez…or i thought i’d see this other guy that sits in front of the safeway parking lot @ 3oth and kindly asks for any spare change to whom i always lightly refuse but awkwardly smile.  he’s thanked me for a smile a couple times and his humble demeanor always stuck in my mind.

a few times i’ve been close to giving him or another person change/bills but i almost always end up deciding against it.  i typically don’t like giving homeless people money because unfortunately i mistrust what they might use it for, drugs or something unhealthy.  and even still, say i decide to give money to one person…i have a large dilemma about then who to choose to give money to or how often to give it.  there are a lot of homeless folks in the bay and i’m not sure i’d be able to afford giving money to everyone.  i’d end up feeling compelled to give to everyone if i gave to one person or wrong for picking one person over another.  i always try to pack leftovers though, so i might be able to give them to a homeless person – i’m all about that.  and i also like the idea of getting or making a fresh meal to give to someone who needs it.

any thoughts/ideas about my money-giving dilemma are appreciated as well.

i’m over halfway home and i haven’t seen a homeless person yet.  at this point i start making contingency plans of what i’ll do with the food and realizing i may have to save food for the homeless for another day.  and then my mind randomly backtracks into negative thoughts from the day.  i had been looking around for homeless people my whole walk, but in this moment i’m in my head, staring at the ground…off into space.

suddenly in the periphery of my vision i see a bundled up old man pushing a cart.  “cool, cart pushing…that’s what’s up,” i think in my space case daze.  then i snap back into the world and realize, “hey, he might be homeless.”  i look up and examine the cart and it indeed looks like the man is pushing around his life on that cart.  he’s turned around and i try not to startle or off-put him, softly saying “excuse me, excuse me…”  he turns around and i ask him: “would you like some food?”  he exclaims, “yes, sure!” and i hand him the bag with both hands as he somewhat cups the both of his in receipt of the gift.  i tell him it’s a quesadilla and he says he ‘loves them!’  as i’m walking off, i tell him there’s some salsa too and to have a good day.  he says thank you and happily bids me a good day as well.

that took my bad thoughts from the day away for a moment.  and when they returned later, i filtered through them a little more clear-headedly than i had before.

day 6: guerilla post-it tactics

mission:

• write nice messages on post-it’s to put in random public places

so again, sorry for the day-lagged post.  actually, i should probably disclaim now that you can expect to see some entries posted the next day.  sometimes a sista gets busy, has no net access, and posting the next day also allows me the full day til midnight to perform some happyisms :)

yesterday i was still in LA, had some good times and hermitizing with my lady asha from middle school, high school, etc….yeeeeee.  the oldest friend i’ve kept in touch with since my fam moved back to the bay in 7th grade.

i had a few ideas of what i wanted to do early in the day and as the day progressed decided that i was going to get post-it happy.  LA drivers are mean by west coast good vibe standards…so i figured folks in general could use a chill pill or the like.  i mean, and who doesn’t like starrrrrrr shaped bright yellow and orange post-its?!

i wasn’t able to cover as much ground as i would have hoped because i spent the first half of the day staying indoors and hiding from the sun to avoid exhaustion.  but, i hit a restaurant table, wall, and door, several gas pumps, a couple cars in parking lots, and a crosswalk button thang.  messages included “smile,” “each day is a new day,” “hug your mom,” “pack your leftovers and  give them to a homeless person,” “drive safely,” and “you look nice today.”

i left a healthy amount of post-it’s with “smile,” which is obviously awesome, buttttt: i’m going to challenge myself to come up with a larger variety of positive messages and find some random funnies to throw in as well.  i got a whole pack of post-its, i gotta finish it now!  think i’m gonna try to do it everyday until the pack is done :D

nice little simple gesture.  basically free-ish, especially if you have some post-it’s lying around.  i think i’d be happy to see little stars of goodness around – sometimes even some of the most basic stuff benefits from a reminder.  beyond that – now and then you’ll see someone chalk/tag/sharpie/carve something witty, funny, or insightful that leaves you amused or thoughtful…those are nice, too.

i’m going to try to get better about photodocumenting what i’m doing and what i see.  no promises, though!

stars and smileys / over and out,
s.dot

day 5: prayer

mission:

• bring it back to basics
• attempt an act that doesn’t cost money
• performed mission: praying for loved ones and people of the world

since i started this project and blog, i’ve found myself every morning trying to perform the act of kindness early in the day – just in case i get busy, or forget, or end up in a situation where i’m not around people for whom i can perform something.  yesterday i tried to go with the flow a little bit more and towards the very end of the day, ended up coming up with something fitting for the environment i was already in (everybody gotta eat right?).  i’ve really wanted to be able to plan some more involved, fun, and novel acts in advance, but my schedule hasn’t yet allowed for it.

today i was contemplating making it the day that i buy the cashier flowers…or again go with the flow and see if circumstance inspires me to do something where i already am.  i wanted to do something elaborate, witty, shake up someone’s world and surprise them.

but i really think right now it’s important to do something very ground level: pray.  it’s something i always want to do more and i don’t.  given it’s ramadan, it’s something i should be pressing myself to do more.  unfortunately, it was a couple other things that prompted me to sit down and properly pray today.  while i’ve in quick thoughts prayed or hoped, i haven’t really sat down to do it in a little minute.

what prompted my prayer today was the death of my good friend’s friend and news that another good friend of mine is in the hospital.  people pass unexpectedly and become debilitatingly ill all the time, every day – there’s a big chance that one day it could be someone we care about.  these things just remind me of how important it is to maintain our ties with those we care about, to constantly show and tell them how much we love them, and make sure they know that we are there for them.

i know all of us have found times where we have felt alone, unloved, weird, lame, guilty, disappointed in ourselves or others, confused, misunderstood, and on and on and on.  a lot of times we don’t let on when we are feeling these ways.  this is the exact reason it is soooooo important for us to always check in on each other, to really really listen…and sometimes, to probe.  in our hearts, we know that we care and we know that we are cared about.  but when the hard times hit, everyone doubts and sometimes ends up inclined to believe that they are not worthy, that they are alone.  our lives all move so fast, we are all doing such wonderful things and building beautiful communities and futures.  but in our routine, in our hustle, let’s not forget our breaths and our moments.

i find myself in the present more blessed than ever with just as much more room to grow.  but right now also, people i love are hurting and a beautiful person i knew is gone from the world.  so, in this moment i also pray.  i pray for their peace, for their strength, persistence in recovery and faith in their ability, and affirmation of the love around them.  i pray that they find little reasons to smile and breathe, even when it is difficult.  i pray they are always supported when i am not able to be right there with them.  i pray that they always remain conscious and reflect, learn and grow – only to higher highs.  i pray this for those i know, those i love, and everyone in the world who needs a prayer.  i pray for myself.

to wellness and love expressed,
seher

day 4: greenery… or green tea ice cream

mission:

• figure out a mission before midnight
• mission performed: buy a random table at a restaurant dessert

first off, apologies for the delayed post.  i drove down to LA yesterday and had limited internet access.  also, the random act was performed quite close to midnight :D

yesterday i drove from SF to LA with this weird dude named dave.  i was stuck with him for about 7ish hours and didn’t particularly feel the urge to bestow any kindness on him.  so instead, i forced him to help me decide what to do for someone else:

dave: we’re going to LA. i bet they could use a tree – plant a tree!

seher: where do you get tree seeds?  can you like, post up and plant a tree anywhere?

dave: ummm…trees don’t have seeds.

seher: so how do you plant a tree?”

dave: you get one of those mini trees and plant it.

seher: uhh…so where do the mini trees come from?

dave: true.

seher: anyway, where do you get a mini tree?

dave: i bet costco has them.

seher: yeahhhh…maybe i can save mini-tree planting for tomorrow.  i think i’ll buy a pot plant and leave it on a random person’s doorstep.

dave: aww, that’s cute, but what if the person doesn’t take care of it?

seher: i’ll leave a smileyface post-it that says “hi, please take care of me.”

dave: oh, ok.

drop dave off in culver city, time is 7.15pm.  get to the biltmore in downtown la and meet my homegirl mawuse, time is about about 8pm.  i tell mawuse about my master plot for a pot plant, but we agree it doesn’t seem like there are any doorsteps anywhere in near site where we are.  we decide that in the spirit of plants, my alternate plan will be to buy a drugstore cashier some flowers.

so we head to the drugstore around the corner.  i’m on the phone with shakirah, explaining to her what my friend derek looks like who’ll be picking her up from the airport in SF the next morning.  “he’s about 6 foot, thin, curly brown sunstreaked hair,” i tell her.  “what’s his background?” shak asks.  “he’s white.”  a few black dudes are sitting nearby: “hey, i’m black!  c’mere, girl…”

no flowers at the drugstore, so we head to my car – going to little tokyo for dinner.  a this point it’s 10.30pm and i’m drawing blanks about what to do.  “maybe i’ll buy a table their dinner.”

once we sit down for dinner, i notice that the lady at the table next to us has some awesome looking food.  i ask what it was she ordered and the man sitting with her tells me it’s the fried chicken bento box.  the waitress comes to take our order and while we are placing it i ask her to lean in and hoarsely whisper to her, “hey can you order the table next to us two green tea ice creams and put it on our tab?  just tell them it’s from one of the customers.”

the couple next to us finishes their dinner and the waitress brings them each a serving of green tea ice cream.  i was kind of mumbled in my speech when mentioning to tell them it was from a customer, so the waitress ended up not saying anything to them – just brought them the dessert.  i tried not to look or be too concerned, but out of the corner of my eye i could tell they didn’t seem surprised or particularly pleased; i concluded that they neither thought it was a house comp or something special – they probably thought the dessert was a customary comp.  bummer.  i continued my conversation with mawuse, though, acting as if i didn’t notice.

towards the end of our meal (and after the couple had left) mawuse finally was the one to note, “hey, i don’t think they really cared about the ice cream or really knew it was something extra.  they were just kinda like ‘oh, alright.’”  “yeah, i think they thought it was customary,” i said.

i told mawuse it would have been nice if they knew it was a gesture, only so they might feel happier that someone did that and feel inspired to pay it forward.  i concluded though, that even given what happened, even if they didn’t know: good energy was put out into the world and that will be taken into account for something and affect something – possibly intangibly, but it will.  that’s what i believe.  i think mawuse agreed as well.

day 3: ridin dirty to battery street

so…that kinda rhymed, right?

mission:

• give cab driver a large tip
• unplanned sub-mission: kill ‘em with kindness reverse psychologicals experiment

i’m sort of a chronic late person.  and i’ve developed a kinda bad habit to support my addiction – cabbing to make my tardiness less tardy.

i love taking the 15-20 minute walk from embarcadero BART station up to work at telegraph hill, just near north beach.  unfortunately, one day late last year when i was fiercely late to work, it dawned on me that i could take a $5 5-minute cab ride down to work and not be as horridly late.  i felt like i had beat the system.  ?  yeah.  ok, seher.  so now, i have this horrible habit of being programmed to know that if get in a few more minutes of sleep, i won’t be thaaat screwed because i can take the cab from BART.  pathetic.  a waste of money, foregone exercise, and enabling a bad habit.  but a discussion for another time, eh?  ha – this looks like the ‘put seher on blast’ blog right now :)

anyway, i don’t like the idea of tipping just to tip.  granted, at restaurants and certain places where tips are a necessary portion of the wage – i get it.  especially if you work in lame states like PA where there is a different minimum wage for restaurant workers: $2-3/hr.  YES – insane.  if your tips don’t get you up to a minimum wage of $5-6/hr, your wage will get supplemented to equal that minimal amount.  still…that is nothing.  so, please be mindful of that, california folks; i didn’t realize that could be the case in some places as in CA folks at restaurants get paid anywhere between a $9ish minimum wage to $15 base rate plus tips.

but again, i digress.  i learned in college that cab drivers actually have tip embedded into the fare price and tips have just become sort of a social expectation for cab rides and in general.  hating being taken advantage of (thinking i was “fooled” into believing cab tipping was compulsory) and being a sometimes-cheapskate, i decided i wasn’t going tip cab drivers unless i somehow felt inspired to do so.  to be fair, i do also think i should research the pay structure for cabbies on my own as it’s been a few years since college, i payed half ass attention in class and could have misinterpreted, annnndd i have a lightweight tendency to want to proclaim mini-revolutions at any chance (i.e. the “eff a tip” revolution?).

fast forward to 30 random acts.  i decided that on one of my fateful cab rides, i was going to…tip a cabbie!  i figured doubling the usual $5 fare and giving $10 would be a nice gesture.  unless folks really tip 100% like that?  i decided to wait until i got at least a mildly nice cabbie, seeing as most have been pretty stoic and even somewhat obnoxious.  once, one even basically yelled at me for handing him a $20 bill saying that he wasn’t an ATM.

i get into the cab this morning ready to evaluate my cabbie for extra tippage.  he seems irritated from the get, aloof, a little snippy.  he kept sighing and grunting and making these horrible abrupt stops every two seconds.  “pff.  he ain’t gettin it,” i first thought.  then i had a pondering moment:

“what if despite cab homie here being a pout-face crap driver i tipped him anyway?  i bet that’d really throw him off and make him happy!  maybe he’ll know that there are still nice people in the world and reason to be smiling! ah-haaaaaa!  genius, seher.  genius!  kill ‘em with kindness!”

so.  we get to battery and green.  halfway before the block, dude grunts, “here?”  i say, “yeah, that’s cool” and hand him a $10 bill.  he begins rustling through his wad of bills to get me change, but i quickly say “have a good day” and pause for a second to see if he turns around to acknowledge me (and maybe the tip?).  dude doesn’t even turn around.  just grunts and speeds off. [end wide-eyed delusional daydream above]

yet another exercise in humility.  the “good” we try to do isn’t always going be well received…or received at all, at that.  while i’m prone to be negatively affected and discouraged by such things, and have been in the past, i wasn’t fazed by my cab friend this time; i know that the intention in my heart was good.  at the end of the day that is all we can do: try.  can’t let one, two, three, or ten disappointments knick our stride.  i know that’s really much easier to say than do – and it’s the constant struggle for me to maintain my positivity (which i am not always able to do), but i also see little benefit in getting down and staying down.  so.  we keep it moving, keep giving love, hope for the best, and smile… :)  perhaps pray for dude to smile as well, if you do that.

i hope my increasingly longer entries and tangents find you well and i haven’t left your brain as mush :D  a little verbose one i am.

day 2: vending machine lovin

mission:

• leave change in vending machines for folks to get their free junk food on with

today i made four smiley face post-it notes.  yes, i like the post-it concept.  each side of my floor at work has a kitchen with one beverage machine and one snack machine.

i quickly tip-toed over to each kitchen, hoping no one was there or in the halls (thankfully no one was).  hurriedly dropped 4 quarters into each machine (gasp, laundry money :D) and stuck a smiley face post-it next to the area where it shows the money balance.  and ran the eff out like a criminal.  that was about 3pm.  at 4pm i casually sauntered by each kitchen to find: in kitchen #1 no money in the machines and no post-its, and in kitchen #2 no money in the machines, one post-it where i left it and the other smack dab in the window of that same machine.  i’ll take that as a thank you?

haha.  and i’m gonna say kitchen #1 people took the post-its to save and keep all for themselves.  smiley face post-its are serious.

it’s interesting to do things for people where you aren’t able to be there to witness their reaction.  this was a new one in that regard.  still found satisfaction in finding that the money had been used/taken.

and really, i’d say the goal is to detach one’s self from an act of kindness or generosity.  deflate the ego’s need to always be “satisfied.” aim for selflessness.  this was an exercise in that regard to an extent as well.