day 22: connection

mission:

• stop everything for just a moment to be in that moment
• show appreciation for those who’ve had a positive impact on you
• support independent music by buying a cd

i actually had another act planned for yesterday.  but the fact that my nap turned into sleep last night, kept me from doing it.  since the prep and execution for that given act spans a few days, i was also struggling about which day to attribute the act to and how to blog about it.  i just came up with a solution, which i will share in a later post.

every morning on my way to work, i unplug my mini external hard drive from my home computer so i can bring it to work.  it carries my massives of music.  this morning i decided to leave my hard drive at home because i remembered i had some newly bought cd’s to listen to!

i started thinking back on my day yesterday, if i had done anything “nice.”  otherwise, i was going to have to do two acts today to make up for yesterday / bump everything up a day.  i popped in one of the cd’s i bought yesterday, and kept thinking.

eventually a track called “connection” came on.  it was the track that made me buy the cd.  i remembered how i felt when i heard it: i was walking down market street yesterday and i hear these dudes playing – it immediately shifts my mood and forces me out of whatever thoughts i was buried in.  for that moment, i am right in it.  i see folks chillin on the steps around the plaza where they’ve set up-  some are just layed up, others chit chatting with friends, and still others bobbing their heads and smiling…as if there wasn’t a care in the world.

i slowed down my pace and took it in for a few seconds, but for some reason i still kept walking.  once i was a few paces past them, i just stopped and stood where i was for a second.  i asked myself why i always have had a habit of walking on when i hear good music on the street like that.  i’ve asked myself this question a few times – to no avail.  maybe i thought that’s what i was supposed to do.  or maybe i always happen to be too busy or focused on whatever it is i got going on that i can’t stop.  really, though, seher?  every time?  nah.  this time i needed to stop…and turn around.  i walked back.  i bought both of their cd’s.  who knows if i was gonna like it all, but it felt good to support folks doing their thing.  and to effectively say “thank you” for uplifting me in that moment.

on the real, it’s moments like that that make me feel still and utterly content, simply because i am living and experiencing that moment.  it makes me feel connected to humanity and purpose on a very powerful, intangible level.

that definitely deserves a moment or two of my time, a thank you.

let me expand on the whole music thing for a second.  i have so much music that i haven’t even listened to most of it yet.  but, i can also honestly say that i wouldn’t be able to be discover so much new music if it weren’t for all the downloading/swapping with friends i did.  and to buy all that music, i can’t really afford.  and it doesn’t really make sense to me when a good bunch of it just ends up sounding “okay” to me.  still, there is a good deal of dope music that i’ve “discovered” either via downloading, friends, or hearing a track somewhere.  of late, i’ve tried to make a point to buy music now and then – particularly from artists that i already like and in other special/one-off situations.  a lot of these independent artists are selling their albums for just $10-15 bucks.  forego a lunch or dinner out one time and support, yall.

just really on a larger level, it’s important to show appreciation for people’s hard work, and even more so when that work has a positive impact on our lives.  it’s our responsibility to advance and uplift our peers/community members that are doing good things – whatever that may be.  otherwise who will?  so while i may have spoken about music in this particular instance, i really mean to also generally highlight valuing/supporting/encouraging/uplifting each other by rooting for each other, saying “thank you,” and showing love through our actions and material support when we are able.

that might seem like a given, but i don’t think it’s something we always remember to do.  we, myself included, are quick to take the good for granted.  let’s not do that.

day 21: excuse me, sir, do you have a significant other or love interest?

mission:

• gift someone flowers to gift to their lover.  aaaaaaoowwww.

i’ve been toying with doing something with flowers for a minute, but i already gave away that i was thinking about doing the checkout clerk idea.  so, yeah.

riding the bart train home i have an epiphany (ok it was actually a really basic idea but i’m slow):  i am going to get flowers to give to a stranger!  yes!  first i think i’ll give em to a dude to change it up.  but then some lame dude might feel super emasculated and just plain not be feeling it.  and that would suck and make me annoyed :D  didn’t wanna give them to a woman (sorry fellow womenfolk – too predictable).  i decided i would give the flowers to someone to give to someone else.

i figured it was the perfect opportunity to get someone to sort of “pay it forward” – essentially setting them up for their own act.  what?!  two birds with one stone?!!!?!?!!

i’m actually a genius, fyi.

i decide i am going to approach various men and ask them if they are involved with someone.  wow, that was an easy way to put it – yesterday, though, i was experiencing major brain wrackage trying to figure out what to say.  outlined is seher’s internal dialogue:

what to say, hrrrmmmmmm…

“do you have a wife?”

nah, but then people have girlfriends.

“do you have a girlfriend or wife?”

man, but what about the in between ish? ok…

“do you have a girlfriend, wife, or crush?”

what the hell kind of question is that, seher?  what if someone has moved past the crush stage and actually not gotten rejected?  i guess that’s called dating.

“do you have a girlfriend, wife, or lover?”

mmmm.  maybe a little too forwardly worded.  uhhh, ok – please note you are being a heterosexist right now, seher.  hmmm…yet another wording challenge…

“do you have a significant other or love interest?”

that sounds so stale, generic, and boring.  bah.  but i guess that’s the point.  well, not the point.   but, generic and gender neutral.

i get off the bart at 24th mission and realize i don’t even have to go to safeway for flowers!  there is usually a lady sellin em right at the corner.  score.  and indeed, as i swoop around near the bus stop – i see my lady.  i grab a bunch of sunflowers for $5 :)

now came the fun part!  i got to catch various men off-guard with a seeming pick-up line…and then, with some super steezed out bait-and-switch action, give em flowers for their lover!!!  wooooooo.  amping up for social awkwardness in t-minus 5, 4, 3…

ok.  it wasn’t really that serious.  but, maybe in my active imagination, it was.  if i was in the right mood, i woulda milked that ish and approached several dudes.  but alas, i wussed out.  still, i didn’t want to make it too easy.  i’m at 24th and mission and i’m eyeing the fellas around me, thinking on what grounds i’ll discriminate today to pick my subject.  kindness profiling.  word life.  times is rough.

i decide against questioning folks at the bart station as i see the 49 bus pull up.  i figure i can multitask, continue home and inquire captive bus people :D  hahahah, they’ll have nowhere to run from my randomness!!

i look around and all i see is women in the front.  i see a young man maybe a bit older than me towards the middle.  not sure if he speaks english well (a lot of folks on the buses in the mission don’t, from what i know), but thought to give it a chance anyway.  i’m coming right at him and i can see him ‘what-the-effing’ inside.  one of those holding poles are right at his seat.  as the bus starts moving, i saunter over, grab the pole and swing to a halt right in front of him.  ok, maybe not exaaaactly that…but something like that.  shoot, maybe i did do that.  my memory just consistently fails me.  ju donno me!

“hey, sir.” i smile

“do you have a significant other or love interest?” i ask

it’s such a formally worded and pointed question, it is sort of even an odd way to hit on someone.  dude is taken a back, but manages to spit out a fumbled, “err, no.”

i immediately divert my attention away from him (he’s probably severely perplexed) at the smiling man two seats away from him.  probably thinking to himself something to the effect of, “ohhhh, these young single ones.  never know what they’ll do for a little lovin!”  i smile at him and ask him if he’s single / does he have anybody?  he laughs lightly and he says he does.  i ask him what the exact relation is.  he says he has a wife.  in response, i hand him a bouquet of sunflowers and tell him, “these are for you to give to your wife.”  he already saw me carrying the flowers and whispering sweet oddities to dude next to him, so i don’t think he was tooo surprised at my gesture.  nonetheless, he smiled :)

i handed him a minicard and told him i was doing 30 random acts of kindness in 30 days.  said there was a website where i recorded my experiences.  he asked me if he should go on there and leave a comment.  i told him he didn’t have to do that but could visit the site if he wanted to.  again, interesting how people assume that i am seeking something in return.  still, was nice of him to offer :)

i make my way to the front of the bus at this point.  a woman my age is grinning and darts a couple glances towards me.  i sit down.  “hey, did you just give that guy flowers?” she asks.  “yep,” i told her, handing her a minicard – “i’m doing 30 random acts of kindness in 30 days.”  she looks down, reading the card, nods her head and gives a big smile – “i love this kind of stuff!”

too shy to look around and catch the reactions of any other bystanders, i smile quietly to myself the rest of the way home.

day 20: swimming in the stars…with lemon bars

when deciding what to title this post, i was peeping my itunes and saw the first track of the coultrain album – it’s called “swimming in the stars.”  i happen to like other tracks on the album more, but overall i love the whole ting :)  yay.

back to bidniz.

mission:

• hand out lemon squares out to random fellow bonfire-ers at ocean beach

shak’s favorite snack (foreshadowwwiinnngg…those who need to know, know) happens to be lemon bars.  sweet snack, at least.  so i found recently.  i was planning on baking some for one of my acts, but i hadn’t decided what my application was going to be yet.  after i hearing that they were shak’s fave, i decide half would be donated to the shak sweet tummy fund and the other half for something else.

in having my interaction with ryan at the treasure island festival, i realized the value in interacting with people firsthand during my little performances.  i liked the ease and avoidance of awkwardness with anonymity, though.  anonymity allows one to build humility – performing kindness without expecting anything, including recognition, in return.  it’s a beautiful way to contribute a positive energy into the universe, if you believe in that sort of thing.  even so, someone or another will benefit from your act, and at the least, they will come away from it happy and/or affected.

still, challenging myself to interact with people serves important purposes as well. i am forced to get out of whatever funk/mood/baggage/self-involvement i am carrying in that moment and focus on pleasing someone else, bringing my responsibility of spreading positivity to a new level.  many people that anonymously found minicards, probably didn’t visit this site.  but at the least, if i interact with someone in person, i am able to share with them my intentions and ask them to “pay it forward.”  spreading that message is definitely an important part of this project, i feel.  my issue has always been, i guess, the extra effort involved in having to interact with someone and also wanting to avoid taking “credit” for my actions.  i really don’t want my subjects to think that what i’m doing is so they can give me a pat on the back and call me a good person.  my intention, i like to think, is to spread good vibes and encourage others to do the same.  smiles for free, son!  so, yeah.

i was toying with anonymously leaving lemon bars for a particular mean neighbor i don’t like – as an exercise in reverse-response therapy to maybe coax him and myself out of bad vibe-age.  wanna smack dude upside the head?  bake him a cake.  that was the idea.  maybe i’ll do something for him later.  but this time, per the reasoning in the paragraphs above, i decided to interact with fellow bonfire hippies at ocean beach.

miss erica campbell served as my minicard “elf” (i don’t think she likes that term :D) as i toted around the tray of lemon bars.

“what you think of that crew over there?” i asked e.

e: nah, they look too fratty.

s: word.

s: how about over there?  look at us tending towards the brownfolk.

e: hell yeah [or something to that effect]

we approach a group of east asian women.  “hey ya’ll, we’re just going around handing out lemon bars to folks – want some?” i offer.  they merrily accept as erica peers over to their fire – “is that an xbox?”

“yep,” says one of the girls

“we’re burning ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend stuff,” says another

“you’re really burning an xbox?!” i exclaim

“yep.”

“we should do that, e.”

e: YEAH.

next, we meander over to a couple on the side.  “hey, we’re giving away lemon bars!  take one!”

“ummmm,” goes dude.  “soooo, do they have stuff in em,” he asks, hopeful.

“nah, just straight.  homemade goodness.  have you ever had a lemon bar?” i ask

“nah…what is it?” dude is skeptical.

“just a sweet.  a dessert,” we explain

“here, just try it.  split one between the two of you and if you like you can take another,” i say

“alright, we’ll split one,” says the guy

and just as erica finishes handing them cards and we’re about to leave, the lady folds and says she’ll take a lemon bar as well :)  THAT’S RIGHT, SON!  hahahhaa.

we see a fire burning in a cool little contraption off in the distance and decide to head over.  we find ourselves amongst four older white men, kiiiiickin it.  they see us coming and i sense their eyebrows raising as we approach.

“hello!” we say in hopes to somehow break the obvious randomness of our visit.

“hey!” they all say [wondering..."now what?"]

“….sooo.  do you want some lemon bars?  we’re just giving them out.  homemade!” i’m trying to entice, here.

[insert somewhere erica telling them that i'm doing the project for my mom, as she's been making sure to throw in to each group we visit :D  'she's doing it for her mom, isn't that dear?!' hehehehe]

“ermm, so they…ummm?” starts one of the men

“oh, no, they don’t have anything in em.  no drugs.  i’m a boring 25 year old, sorry,” i tell them

“oh, you just know, back when we were your age…”

at this point i realize they wouldn’t have minded one way or another if we had laced the bars.

the men go on to share with us how the cool fire pit contraptions were donated by the founders of burningman as a push for the city to keep bonfires at ocean beach alive.  there was a point in the last year or two where they had been  banned.  “it’s a tradition,” they said.  “we’ve being doing it for twenty-something odd years.”  dope.

our new historian buddies thanked us for the bars and big upped the project as we wandered back off into the darkness.  said they’d “check out the website” :D

i think a lot of people think the acts of kindness are a ploy to plug the website or some other endeavor.  it’s interesting how much people are inclined to believe that what i’m doing must be for some explicit self-serving reason.

erica sees a tiiiiny little fire burning off in the distance.  “do you want to go there?” she asks.  “ehhhh.  alright.  let’s be ambitious!” i say.

we’re trekkin over, trekkin trekkin.  “dude, watch us sneak up on folks that are trynna be extra private,” i say.  “oh, crap…what if they’re having sex, seher?  we should turn back.” says e.  “hahahaha, that’d be hella funny.  i can write about it…come on!”  i know, i’m evil.

turns out all we find is a lone fire burning with no one in sight.  kind of eerie.  the fire was waaay out in the cuts, right by the water.  i guess we were there to put out the fire.  erica’s like smokey, preventin beach fires and ish!  aaaaaoooowww.

we decide to hit one more group.  we go for another couple not too far off from where our group is sitting.  we offer them the lemon bars but they refuse and ask what we’re doing it for.  e hands them minicards.  “aha, i knew there was a catch,” says the girl.  “nah, all the website is is a catalog of what i’ve been doing.  just spreading some goodness and hoping others will do the same.  i’m not making money or anything off the site, doing it just cause.”  i tell her.  they appear somewhat pleasantly surprised.  the girl is a photographer and testing out her new camera.  she takes a few snaps of me with a minicard.  to my memory, at the end i think they even take some lemon bars.  we bounce and tell them to have a good night.

on our way back we see another couple and decide we might as well offer them some sweets as well.  it ends up being a foreign couple.  when we offer them the lemon bars, they instinctively and immediately refuse, sending us on our way.

i comment to erica how this is the exact reason i wanted to do the project.  we are socialized to instinctively shoo off any approach by a stranger as a solicitation.  we are conditioned into expecting negative behavior from any fool as normal, but kind behavior is met with skepticism.  the world needs kindness to become normalized.  on the real.

we make it back to camp and i tease the group about how our adventures have left me with some good writing material.  phil and shak try to pry, but i slyly smile and tell them they must wait.  erica lies down and stares up at the sky, “you can see all the stars.”

“you can,” says phil.

day 19: rock out!!! (as long as you’re not a crazy stalker)

mission:

• hook up a stranger with a 2-day pass to the treasure island music festival

from time to time, my homie weyland hooks it up with concert tickets to various shows and events.  so first off, many thanks to weyland for always lookin out :)  and for being an amusing drunk as well :D  hahhahaha, i still won’t forget your self-induced confessional session at farmerbrown that one day (you’re probably like, which one?!)!  fun times.

i’m a planner in many respects.  don’t get me wrong, i love spontaneity, unbeknownst to many.  if i have the means to do it, i will pick up and hannle it with some randomness.  but anyway, over time i’ve come to bring my “organizing” down a few notches so to save myself some stress.  so when presented with a pair of 2-day passes for the music fest, i reached out to a few close homies, all of which couldn’t make it or weren’t too interested.  i didn’t really wrack my brain thinking of who might want to go, so sorry if you wanted to be my date =/

i also didn’t wrack my brain too hard because it had been a minute since i had been to a concert alone.  i love being in ‘solitude amongst the masses.’  i love walking slowly amidst the hoards of people rushing through the financial district during commute hours, taking in everything around me, but not with too much on it.  just being there, somewhat still.  kind of meditative for me.  it’s beautiful at a concert.  just you, the pounding pulse of an impassioned sweat-drenched sound, and everyone else.  a sensation that moves all through you, leaving a slightly lightheaded euphoria.  i, a dot in the crowd, all alone, but still somehow communed by this great sound.

i wanted to take the opportunity to share that with a complete stranger – no strings attached.  just because.  my initial plan was to to wait around for someone looking to buy a ticket at the box office and give it away to them.  to my luck, while waiting for the shuttle in the at&t park parking lot to treasure island, a young dude on a bike strolled over and generally asked if anyone in the line had an extra ticket.  no one answered.

i don’t know why, but i hesitated.  i guess i can have a tendency to want to stick with how i’ve planned something out in my head (meaning, the whole box office idea).  i immediately realized i was being silly, and here was someone who was asking for a ticket.  at this point he had turned around to bike away.  i yelled out to him, “aye!”  i waved him over.  i still don’t think he paid me much mind at that moment, “do you want a ticket?  i have one.”  that caught his attention, “how much?”

“free,” i said.

i’m not sure dude knew what to think or if he believed me.  he sort of exclaimed, ‘oh, thanks!’ or something to that effect.  he then rode off.  i figured he hadn’t taken me seriously and just left.  ah, well.  turned out he went to park his bike as i saw him walk over about 5 minutes later.  i told him i didn’t have the ticket on me and needed to get it at the venue because i was on a list.  i think that made homie a little skeptical, but he stuck with me.  i told him, “you have to be with me to get your ticket, but after that you’re on your own.  you don’t have to hang with me.”  i think i was weirding him out by the minute.  the dude in front of us in line chuckled.

we get on the bus and homeboy ends up sitting with me.  i’m texting, he’s texting, we are totally playing it modern day technologically apathetic.  awesome.  i tried to do my own thing for the most part and not freak him out by trying to bff him :D.  eventually, i decide to be casually cordial though and ask him a bit about himself.  he’s a 22 year-old pre-med student at sf state that works at a bike shop in the marina.  and apparently i’m now free to get hooked up with bikeness something or another at his shop.  rad.

he asked me at one point, “hey, i want to at least get you a beer.”  i told him i was cool.  once we got on the bus he goes, “wow, thank you.  do you want me to get you some weed, anything?”  i told him i don’t smoke or drink.  ‘who the hell is this square ass weirdo,’ i bet he’s thinking.

i asked him how much the ticket costs, he said one day cost $50.  i laughed and told him i guess he was getting a pretty sweet deal.  he emphatically agreed and told me that’s why he felt like repaying me in some way.  i told him it was all good, but ended up slipping him a minicard telling him that in fact, i was working on a project.  30 random acts of kindness in 30 days.  he should check out the website if he wanted to.  he looked mad perplexed and just plopped the card in his pocket.  haha :D

we get off the bus and head over to the box office.  as often goes with guest lists or special lists (i’d technically “won” tickets on the radio), the retrieval process can be disjointed.  and always, i even get a little apprehensive if folks will find my name on some list somewhere and let me in.  i started thinking how it would suck if i just hyped up dude only to find out that there was no ticket.  the event staffer says she’ll be right back, and we see her go back and forth a couple times.  “i guess this stuff is kinda backdoor, huh?”  says my new friend.  “yeah, it can be,” i say.  he then starts commenting about how it’d be funny if i was some weirdo girl that just made up this whole story about free tickets.  hahhahah.  “awesome,” i think to myself.  “i look like a psycho loner.”  yeeee.

it ends up working itself out and i also manage to get dude sunday’s ticket held under his name at will call.  once the saturday ticket is handed to him, and he’s filling out his name on an envelope handed to him by staff for sunday’s will call, it finally becomes a reality.  “wow.  thank you, you’re awesome,” he says.  i was just really glad it worked out in the end.  i ask him his name, “ryan,” he says.  i tell ryan he’s welcome and that in payment he should do something nice for someone else.  one of the staffer dudes at the box office tent smiles, probably not fully certain about what exactly just went on, but knowing enough.

we hand our tickets in together at the gate and he waves off again, ‘thank you! enjoy your night!’  something like that.  i have a memory of a gnat at times.

i leisurely walk through the park.  meander over to the left.  on the other side of the fence are large rocks lining an expanse of water, and a spectacular view of the sf cityscape and bay bridge, all lit up.

the massive sound.  thumping.  young folk bouncing around to it.

it was beautiful.

day 18: happy music

mission:

• give someone a happy music cd

couple days behind, i know, i know.  my bad.

friday was yet another jam packed day, so nothing i planned to do ended up manifesting.  i was left with about 2 seconds to decide my deed for the day as shakirah was already at the elbo room waiting for me.  we were meeting up to watch the kev choice ensemble and the bayonics perform.  i was also going to be shooting photos….which i still have to edit.  along with j*davey.  sigh.

:D anyway.  i’ve created this short list of act of kindness ideas in the notes section on my beat up little palm treo.  most of them are easier, less time consuming ones – “for the kind person on the go.”  hahahhaha.  i should make a commercial.  i’m sitting on my lappy in the bedroom finisihing up, ironically, a post for another day…thinking, thinking, what to do.  peep my little phone list, still thinkin…

look down and i see my good ole stack of blank cd’s.  the top cd was one that was already labeled but not burned (from the burn session i had for brianna’s b-day giftage).  it happened to be “bees & things & flowers” by incognito, with the first track being “everybody loves the sunshine.”  done and done.  even though i don’t love the whole album, it has a few solid enjoyable happy tracks – i thought it would suffice :)  ideally, i would have made a happy mix cd…but alas, kindness on the go.

i get out a thick-tipped black sharpie and scribble, “music to make you smile. *TAKE ME*” on the paper insert for the jewel case.  slip in a minicard on top of the cd, and i’m set.

once shak and i finally make it to the elbo room, we make our way alllll the way to the front so i can shoot.  i set my stuff down and pull out the cd.  cheesin super hard and holding up my gift, i say, “my act for the day!”  shak smiles.  i ask her that i want to just randomly set it somewhere but i don’t want anyone to see me.  she gives a quick glance around and says i should try doing it a bit later.

i think it was in between sets that i decided i was going to do my stealth action.  i grabbed the cd and beelined for the very back of the club.  the bar.  most everyone was turned around facing the bar, and there were so many people generally moshed up in the somewhat small space that i was pretty sure i could go by without a trace.  didn’t really know if there was a perfect moment to slide the cd onto the bar to minimize chances of detection.  allllsoooo, if seen, i was was wary of coming across like mixtape rapper solicitor dude, like, “yo, i got ceedeeeeez, son.”  i mean, although i don’t really look like a rapper.  i’m also not a dude.

yeah.  i saw a super slight opening next to this lady at the edge of the bar.  i was apprehensive that she’d turn around when she felt someone’s arm slide around her to put a cd right next to her on the bar.  but i went for it….aaaannnd………[wait for it, wait for it]….BOOKED IT!  stealth steez slid back through the maze of a crowd.  hahahhaa.  i was too focused on my escape to see if anyone caught my little display.  probably thinkin, ‘really lady, what’s that serious, though?’  ha.

hopefully someone picked it up and enjoyed it.

day 17: love poems

mission:

• write a dorky poem to my homegirl to cheer her up

i must note that this act was inspired by my lover, erica, who wrote me a cheer up poem earlier this week.  i’ve actually been contemplating of writing her a poem for a week or two, but she beat me to it.  so – e, i owe you a poem…but it is going to come as a surprise.  muaaaaahahhahahah.  can’t be that predictable now can i?

my other lover (i have many) mawuse had a not so happy gtalk status yesterday, so i thought she could benefit from some poetic ignorance.  here is my rendition:

girl.
as my droopy ass lids close one hour and fifty five minutes past midnight
i’m thinkin of you and sleep i’m trynna fight
see.  i got an act of kindness to do and you’re the subject
you’re hella fine so i gotta come correct
even if i’m not a lesbian
but hella people think i am
but anyway.  that’s besides the subject.
girl.
correct.
i’m trynna rhyme the same thing twice
like kanye west

i saw your gtalk status
just in passing
girl, i promise.  i’m not stalking.
it said you was busy.  and mad…or something like that.
sorry i don’t listen
it’s just that your skin is glistenin
and i’m fixin
for some chocolate pudding
no, not you.  i actually just had some chocolate pudding.
and i want more

more.
more more more.
mawuse ziegbe (zee-egg-bay)
with your fancy ass minimalist linen material business cards
i promise i’m not a whore
anymore
but i’ll be yours tomorrow
oh oh.
row row.
…your boat

if i was there right now, i’d go to east village
or greenwich village
or whatever it’s called
and get you a magnolia’s cupcake
even if i don’t like them much
and shove it proudly in your face
as you scold me for my gluttonous ways

hey-ay
mah-woo-say
i hope you have columbus day off
so you can come visit me
i’ll sing this poem/song/trainwreck
and you can scoff

but in the meantime i hope you laugh your pants off
but not in that way

[end poem]

i don’t really have much of a deep reflection after that.  so, um.  yeah.  mawuse said she “giggled.”  making people giggle is nice.

[end deep thought]

day 16: free money

mission:

• tape a $5 bill to an atm machine

i think this mission was inspired by my homie gedeon who said when he first read this blog he felt inspired and left a couple bucks in a bart train.  that’s what’s up :)

i had a pretty full day yesterday (technically day before yesterday now as i’m writing this at 12.45am) with work, running home to not look like a scrub, and the art opening.  my energy has also been dwindling from fasting so i knew that yesterday i’d have to do something pretty low-key and quick.

when i went to LA i wasn’t sure what acts i was going to be doing for the weekend, but i decided to grab a roll of masking tape and throw it in my backpack.  don’t ask me why.  just thought it might be useful.  tell me why when i needed it yesterday, it mysteriously disappeared from my backpack?!  hmph.  so i got a tape dispenser scotch tape roll…that really sounds like a mouthful, whatever…and threw it in my camera bag.  of doom.

just kidding.

as the night carried on, i found myself getting tireder and tireder (which is officially not a word and i also officially don’t care).  i knew that i still needed to do my act for the day though.  i told brianna – aka my former crush aka my art opening date aka “the chocolate sensation” :D – that ‘i can’t forget to do my act tonight.  i have to do it on the way home, remind me.’  kind of funny the acts have become a custom and half the time i’m all “to-do list” about it.

i decided i was going to hit the mission @ valencia-ish bank of america atm on the way home.  i could have easily popped a 5 on the ATM downstairs at my office building, but that was way too boring and easy.  i don’t need to be paying for some chick’s latte.  ok, fine.  paying for a williams-sonoma can’t-afford-a-designer-bag-but-i-have-12-anyway employee dudette’s latte is nice, too, but i didn’t feel like being that kind of nice yesterday.

so when we got there, brianna went up to one atm to dispense some of her riches.  and i went up to the other and slapped a fiver with a purple minicard reading “mentor local youth” in an all caps labelmaker font.  i know i need to show images of the cards.  i will i will.

it was a fun, random little act.  and i get a kick out of thinking what the heck a person is going to think when they see a five dollar bill plastered to an atm.  it’d really be interesting to record various people’s reactions, as a sociological experiment (i like dissecting us humanfolk in that way).  i bet some people might to a double take and keep walking.  some people might just walk by thinking it was play money or a joke.

i always wondered how people might react to the money gedeon left on the train.  i feel like a lot of people might be inclined to think it fell out of someone’s pocket and may feel guilty taking it, thinking it wasn’t intended for them.  but then i totally had a mental image of some little kid finding it, delighted, being like ‘yeeeeee…i’m going to the corner store and getting me some bazooookas!’ …or whatever the candy of modern day tooth decay is.

at the atm.  i wonder what kind of people would decide against taking the money and why, and what kind of people would be inclined to take it and why.  and once that person actually took it and maybe read the note on the back of the minicard, would that change their initial view of their receipt of the money?  heheheh, a friend made a good point.  in just reading the url of the website on the back of the minicard, one could misconstrue the whole thing as some church mission or something.  love is the word.  sounds kinda churchy i guess.  preach!  the church of aaaaaooowwwwwww.  sorry.  the masjid of aaaaooowwwwww.  there.  i balanced out the ignorance.

i always surprise myself with these posts.  i’ve been eternally scared that they’d be like two words long: “i did this today.  yay.  patting self on back.”  yeah.  not what i wanted to do.  so, i’ve tried to add color.  and sometimes, by the time i’ve finished thoroughly coloring, i still haven’t gotten to the main point i wanted to make.  which this time around is this:

i’ve really tried avoiding doing acts that require the use of money.  or at least tried to do them sparingly, trying to make them somewhat meaningful/novel, and not as a cop of an act for the day.  just the same, i’ve been wary about writing about things like prayer, recycling, and listening because they don’t really fall into the traditional notion of the whimsical random act of kindness.  at the end of the day, kindness is kindness though.  i figure thoughtfulness on a breadth of issues and ideas would be of a greater reward to me and the readership – and i’m a fan of variety anyway.

still.  it just makes me really uncomfortable that a lot of the things on even my 101 random acts of kindness list require money.  most of them don’t require much money at all.  and several require the use of already bought items (which is essentially a sunk cost and doesn’t feel as bad as going out and spending money).  ok.  spending money on act of kindness isn’t bad, it is good.  well, it depends.  my concerns are:

1. the tendency to want to throw money at something to ‘fix it’ as well as the use of money as the easy way out for a lot of things
2. the fact that there numerous ways to be kind without the use of a dime and everyone should feel inspired and enabled to be openly kind without worrying about needing money to do it/regardless of financial means

what do you think?  there are more time involved things i’ve wanted to do that don’t necessarily require money, or require minimal money and are more thoughtful – i just haven’t found time to do them yet.  if any of you have ideas of something fun/thoughtful that you’d like to see me do and write about – please let me know!  while i welcome all ideas, any ideas that require a minimal time commitment are ideal.

i think small acts would be more palatable and realistic for readers to carry out for themselves if yall so chose.  let’s be real, we are all busy folks.  taking the time to do something more involved now and then is beautiful, which i am also aiming to do.  but i think the message that small things go a long way is really the thrust of the project.  ya diiiiggg?

day 15: a metered life

You’re the prince to my ballerina
You feed other people’s parking meters
You encourage the eating of ice cream
You would somersault in sand with me

You talk to loners, you ask how’s your week
You give love to all and give love to me
You’re obsessed with hiding the sticks and stones
When I feel the unknown
You feel like home, you feel like home

You put my feet back on the ground
Did you know you brought me around
You were sweet and you were sound
You saved me

You’re the warmth in my summer breeze
You’re the ivory to my ebony keys
You would share your last jelly bean
You would somersault in sand with me

- “somersault” / zero 7 ft. sia

mission:

• feed other people’s parking meters

i always thought this song was so adorable :)  and every time i think of feeding other people’s parking meters i think of it.  what’s awesomer (yeah, i said it) is that there are at least 4 acts of kindness in this song alone.  it should be the blog theme song!  ahahahha.  nah, but i think i like changing it up and adding some music on here.  my personal blog which i update every millenium was basically just a bunch of music postings, because i’d always find myself too lazy to write anything of consequence.  but i’d always have a song that i liked or a song that told how i felt to share.

so during my 12+ hour expedition yesterday, i found myself running all over town.  usually i’m at a parking meter past their running hours and i don’t need to pay.  but yesterday, one quarter for 5-10 minutes =/.

first spot: polk street near aspect framing and gallery.  i slipped a few in my own meter and then realized i was running short.  to my luck i parked right next to a laundromat that had a quarter machine.  odds?  so i took out probably $6, $7 worth of quarters and dumped em in my wallet.  pulled out my minicard dispenser and aaaaooowwww.  slipped in a couple quarters for the car in front of me…crossed the street to the gallery side and slipped some into another meter.  i left minicards under the windshield wipers.  their meters weren’t expired, but i figured a few extra minutes wouldn’t hurt anybody.

second spot: 7th ave right across the street from cheap pete’s framing.  almost every meter was expired.  i found myself a bit confused.  maybe they don’t ticket there?  i filled one meter and then started heading towards the store.  i hesitated.  i looked back, at the store, then back at the red flashing “expired” banners of guilt.  i didn’t have many quarters left, so i put one quarter each into the meter of a few cars.

lovely.  maybe i helped people, maybe by the time they got to their cars the meter was expired again :D  anyhow, i had fun finding minicards with appropriate sayings.  i had a bright red “donate blood” one that i stuck on a bright red car.  it amused me how they matched.  then i found another one that said “pay for the person behind you at the drive thru.”  i was proud of finding one with car-relevant messaging.  if anything, i amuse myself, right?

it was interesting, though.  i’m not used to being regulated by a meter.  i tend to be relatively leisurely with my time when i’m out.  or rather, take my time making decisions if i’m making a considered purchase.  it felt weird to be rushed.  maybe it made me more efficient?   or just made me waste more money on the meter?  i just realized how the meter is almost a systemic symbol of our highly-regulated (in ways i don’t think we even realize), go-go-go lifestyle and society.  streamlined.  making exhorbitant amounts of money to park on city streets that we pay for.  maybe it’s to induce quicker turnover so everyone can get to high traffic areas.

it’s just interesting to be on a clock.  sometimes our society is so caught up in living 10 steps ahead instead of living exactly where they are.  i plead guilty.  have to be here to get there.  ain’t no teleporting…yet.

where are we going?  we are right here.

day 14: patience and kindness with self

mission:

• don’t bang self upside the head / have a fit

i’ve been generally stressed out the last couple weeks.  my stomach has been knotted to the point that it begins to burn and i’ve found myself unconsciously clenching my jaw.  all kinds of things have been going on.  good and bad.  even the good things have stressed me out in the work and time they’ve required from me seemingly all at once.  it’s gotten better over the last few days, but yesterday started off with a difficult morning emotionally and then a last minute photo mission later in the day.

my good friend chris samala got me some space at hotel des arts for the START SOMA new art 08 exhibit.  never having framed artwork before, i was a bit struck by how much it was all going to cost me.  i silently decided i wasn’t going to do it anymore, figuring that my spot would be given away since i missed my deadline i gave of last week.  yesterday i found out that samala had specifically reserved space for me.  since she came through like that, i felt compelled to make it happen.

so i ran to get a bunch of photos enlarged at costco (i had no idea what i was going to show), messed around with some layouts given my wall space, and then went to cheap pete’s to try to get some framing and matting done.  i spent a good hour there with the salesperson deciding which frames and photo orientation to go with.  once i told him i was ready to get everything (which was by NO means cheap), he tells me that my order wouldn’t be ready til friday.  ?!?!??!?!?!?! [internal freak out]  i needed to turn in stuff yesterday per what i told samala and really at worst case on tues/early weds.

i panicked a little, especially as i really didn’t know what to do in case i ended up not finding ANY framing.  but somehow still kept at ease, having faith that somehow i was going to make this work.  i came home and came up with some backup layouts, researched a couple more frame places, and made my artist information sheet.  acting “as if” everything was going to pan out alright.  called in sick today – feeling somewhat nauseous and gross in general.  today’s the day, let’s see what happens.

i spent an hour or so on the phone updating with a good friend of mine.  i really called to check in on her, but ended up spending a good deal of time talking about how i was feeling.  so i appreciate that.  and apologies for not being in the right state to give you better attention.  most of the conversation from my end was sullen.  i sort of wanted to disappear (not like that) – but run away.  we ended on a more productive note but i was still drained.  i decided not to run away and simply keep on keepin on…

what else can i do?

no use in beating myself up.  i figure if you visualize something and believe in it enough, it will manifest in some form.  i eff up all the time but balling up into a ball of negative energy is no good.  impatience will only incapacitate you, warp your perspective, and make you generally unattractive.

i’m getting ready for bed and realize my phone’s ringer or vibrator isn’t working anymore – just at that moment.  my friend ibrahim is supposed to show up any minute from sfo (via nyc) to crash in my living room.  my apartment door buzzer also happens to not be working for the past couple weeks.  i figure i’ll get up in 5 minutes to check my phone; i won’t pass out in 5 minutes, right?  wrong.  i wake up at 7.30am to tons of missed calls and texts.

i left my poor friend ibrahim stranded outside my apartment all night.  he had to walk all around SF to find a hotel (most were full) to sleep for a mere 3 hours.  yeah, not very awesome of me.  at all.

i feel terrible.  ibrahim keeps saying maybe there was something meant in it – why that happened.  i’m not sure we both know why as of yet.  but i was impressed in turn with his patience and composure and not wanting to tear my head off.  so thank you, ibrahim, for exemplifying patience, humility, and forgiveness.

it’s odd.  because even before this happened i was going to write about how i was trying to be patient with myself.  really though, my practice of patience was lightweight.  yesterday’s deed really goes to ibrahim.

thank you for tolerating my whackness, ibrahim.  and i’m sorry.

day 13: taking a toll

mission:

• pay the golden gate bridge toll for the car behind me

i did not know the golden gate toll went up to $6?!  what the…

anyway.  anticipating a lovely day at the russian river, i decided my deed for the day would be to pay toll for the car behind me.  on the way back into the city, i allllmooost forgot as i was so focused on food (fast was about to break) and being teased with ideas of in ‘n out burger.  mmmmmm.

i realized i had forgotten my beloved minicards in my backpack in the trunk.  i was going to stop and jump out of the car before my turn came in line and grab my cards, i decided.  i thought how funny/disturbing it might be if the car behind me started honking and hating that i was slowing the line down and then i ended up paying their toll :D  alas, that wasn’t what happened.  the golden gate toll line, beyond that, doesn’t really feel like a line.  it’s more of a mish mosh of cars scattered in front of a few booths.

so i get to the attendant booth.  i’m all about to pull out a nice clean $10 when i notice freakin toll is $6?!!!  nevermind i thought, i could save a buck, thank you.  HAAAAAAA HA.  just kidding.

i give mister attendant man a $20 and ask him “hey can you pay for the car behind me and give them this [hand him minicard]?  you can give me change for 2 tolls.”  he’s a mild-mannered looking middle aged guy…just smirks a little and nods.

like a big fat nerd i’m pulling out like 2 miles an hour to try to get the reaction of the old couple behind me.  although i can’t really make out faces, i see the attendant point to my car while talking to the folks.  that makes me smile.  i don’t think i necessarily needed dap from homies in the back, so i sped off.

yay.